Six cents

   I was a bit nervous today as I began my morning walk around Stow Lake, having had a nasty verbal altercation with a man there yesterday. The man is new to the park, at least at the time when I am there, and he has a dog that he keeps off the lead, despite the reminders in multiple locations that they must be leashed.
   For a few days, I have seen this man doing what seems to be training of the animal, at times pointing to squirrels in the park to show them to the dog so it can run after them, which it does. On a couple of occasions, including yesterday, it got very close to catching one, which upsets me, so I confronted him about it.
   Probably needless to say, my words fell on deaf ears, and I became angry, cursing at him in the process. It unsettles me greatly when I lose my composure like this, all the more so that it should happen where it did, as I cherish the area as a place I can go to quiet my mind early in the day.
   Following the incident, and talking about it with several people, I decided that I would not let it go any further. Instead, I would focus on my own feelings about the man's behavior. I figured that my mental health and spirit were more important than anything else.
   So, as I began my walk this morning, I felt comfortable with my decision, though still with trepidation.
   As I turned to finish my first one mile lap, I saw him, and even though his dog ran over to me, which I found frightening, I kept my mouth shut, and a remarkable thing happened.
   A rush of fear suddenly welled up inside me, and I realized that the intensity of these feelings were similar to those I experienced when I had confronted him yesterday. It became clear to me at that moment that the anger that can feel so explosive to to me at times is almost certainly an expression of fear. I had felt unsafe around this man's behavior.
   There was anger, too, over my perception of his lack of care and consideration for others, but the intensity seemed to have more to do with how his behavior made me feel about myself.
   I think that I had known this before, but it had never been so obvious as it was then. It felt very empowering to know that I could see myself more clearly by containing myself better.
   As I continued my walk, I decided to take the road below the pedestrian path, as I often do, and found a nickel on the ground. I almost always pick up money when I see it, believing it be a kind of sign of good luck. I often hold coins in my hand after retrieving them, as if it gives me a feeling of security.
   This particular time, it felt like a reward for the control I had exerted over my reaction, and an added plus to the insight I had received from it.
   When I found another coin ten minutes or so later, this time a penny, the term "sixth sense" came to my mind as I looked at the two of them in my hand. Although this term alludes to the supernatural, there was something that felt quite out of the ordinary in this experience.