Thursday, October 22, 2015

Ian Matthews

   When I first started knowingly listening to the music of Ian Matthews, I didn't know that I had heard him before. It turns out that he was a member of the English folk group,  Fairport Convention, which I knew of from a friend of years ago named Belinda Langner. I didn't like them as I was not interested in that kind of music at that time, but had a couple of years ago discovered an Ian Matthews album on one of the many music blogs that I used to frequent, and which help me to discover so much music new to me.
   I had become progressively more and more interested in folk types of music during those music blog years, and when I discovered the Ian Matthews album, "Journeys From Gospel Oak", I was immediately moved by it, especially the opening track, "Knowing The Game". This album got me interested in his other music, and although I never found any of his albums to be that wonderful a listen throughout, there are songs on each of them that I find quite moving, and are the reason that I choose to write about him here.
   The songs that I like the most are slow, sad and country-tinged, and like Gene Clark (another artist that I like a lot and who Matthews covers on "Gospel Oak") sound to me like they are written by wounded hearts.. Unlike Clark, however, who's voice carries the pain, it's in the instruments and song structure in Mathews' music, though no less moving for it. Although I believe that it is not terribly difficult to write a song that references sadness in the listener, I think that capturing a deep ache within the writer or receiver probably requires a musician that can honestly access that place.


Saturday, October 17, 2015

Why I still (kind of) root for New York sports teams

   I recently watched an NFL football game on television between the San Francisco 49ers and the New York Giants, and the matchup gave me pause to think about my relation to the two cities where I have lived my life. As a person that spent their first forty two in New York City, I pretty much always find myself rooting for New York sports teams when I do happen to see them play on television, and always like to see the San Francisco teams lose, even though I have chosen to live here for the past nine and a half years.
   It bothers me as I think about it here that I have not fully adopted the city I live in as I thought I wanted to. If I had truly given myself over to this beautiful place, I wouldn't take such delight in seeing their sports teams lose, but as I think about it here further (and give myself a fair shake), I realize that this is a small city compared to where I come from, and when the sports teams here are champions, it feels like a small town, complete with small town pride in their teams. Everywhere I go, everyone seems to be talking about it for a long time afterwards. In New York, when one of the teams achieve championship status, many celebrate, but it is soon forgotten, and many just don't give a shit at all. That large bloc that cares nothing about it adds a kind of buffer, whereas here, everybody seems to care.
   I recall asking one of the social workers at my job why she, who I'd never really heard talk about sports, seemed so excited when the San Francisco Giants baseball team had won the world series, and she said that she didn't care so much about baseball, but that her excitement was about San Francisco pride. That statement made me feel bad about my own feelings in relation to the team and the whole city that seemed to be celebrating, but I realize now that I do have San Francisco pride, but in regards to sports, I need that buffer that there was in New York.
   I no longer consider myself a New Yorker, as I chose to leave that city close to ten years ago, but as a young boy that grew up loving baseball and my local New York Yankees, I guess that I will probably always root for the team tied to those years when I cared about sports, no matter how long I have been absent and how far removed I am from that place.
 

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Interviewing at Starbucks

   I was sitting in Starbucks a couple of weeks ago, and noticed that some of the tables had folded pieces of paper on them which read, "reserved for event", or something like that. I was unaware that tables could be reserved at Starbucks, and asked one of the workers about it; she said that they were having a hiring event. I didn't know that hiring was an event.
   I was annoyed that there didn't seem to be anywhere available where I could work on my blogs with some privacy, but soon a couple of tables became available, and I opened up my cheap but reliable little computer and began to work. I was making some good progress (I always feeling better when and after I am writing), when some people sat down for the event that the table placards had foretold. What Starbucks had referred to as an event was actually some Starbucks managers interviewing prospective employees for their managing locations.
   One of these managers sat behind me and commenced explaining what the interview was going to be like. I didn't see either him or the person being interviewed, but he spoke loudly, and with great pride about the company that he works for. He went on, each time his applicant would finish a sentence, about the 'Starbucks philosophy' and how 'we at Starbucks' believe in this or that particular thing, repeatedly referring to the store that he manages as 'his store'. I felt saddened by what I was hearing. I imagined that he must be an important part of the Starbucks world that he seemed to feel so powerful in, but couldn't help from thinking that he was a dot, a potential nobody in the Starbucks corporation.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Work kills

   A couple of weeks ago I was taking a walk here in The Presidio of San Francisco when I passed a middle- aged man wearing a black t-shirt with white letters on it that stated "WORK KILLS". I remember quickly surmising that perhaps this statement was made from a leftist or anarchist worldview, but then later rethought my assessment, and decided instead that it was a blanket statement that work of any kind was to be avoided.
   I started thinking as I continued on about this idea that work is evil, and remembered a quote from Sigmund Freud that I couldn't recall completely at that time, but which basically meant to me that humans need to love and work to be happy (After looking it up, I found that it is "Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness"). I can't say that the quote rings necessarily true for me, but know for myself that work can make me feel very good, and that I feel a great amount of self-worth through the work that I do. This includes the job I go to, but also the work I am doing writing this blog right now.
   I have it in my mind that it would be a sign of inner strength and deep belief in myself if I did not need work (especially the work I do at my job) to make me feel better emotionally. This would signify that I needn't rely on 'outside influences" to bolster my esteem. I continue writing this blog entry because this is not the case, and really haven't thought that concept out, anyway.
   Besides writing blogs and sometimes creating visual art, I also have a job that I go to that not only remunerates me economically, but also provides me with a great deal of self esteem for much of the time, and for that I consider myself pretty lucky. I like my job, and although I love the idea of not working, I'm not sure that it's a practical concept for my mental health. I guess I need the 'outside influence' of my work, even if it does kill.