I drive my car, at least a little, just about every day. This has been the case for only the last 8 years or so, since my wife and I came to San Francisco from New York City, where I almost never drove. Being behind the wheel of the car can help me to feel free, but it can also give rise to feelings of agitation and anger, as other drivers (and often bicyclists) do things which I find at times to be disrespectful, dumb and downright dangerous. Being in control of a car seems to give me the illusion that I am in control over other things, and when other people do things that I don't like, the illusion is shattered, and I become frustrated.
Recently in my life I have taken time to learn better how to keep focus on my feelings by practicing self-reflection and meditating during my regular morning walks, but when I get into my car, I often forget these; it's as if I've opened the window in the car and my consciousness has been sucked out. I try listening to quiet music, talk radio, or sit while driving in relative silence (which does seem to help a bit), but still I find myself stymied at times by this strange powerlessness I seem to have when I am on the road. Perhaps if I can focus more on feeling out of control when I am behind the wheel, I can gain greater power over myself.
Nearing my apartment, as seen from the driver's side of my car
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