Saturday, February 11, 2017

Thoughts on caffeine, doing without, and other things.

   At the time that I began writing this blog, I had decided to try to kick caffeine, and had gone roughly thirty six hours without drinking coffee (and it was rough). About halfway through that second day, I drank a long espresso, and that ended that experiment. Although short lived, it was the first time that I can remember going without caffeine as an adult,
   Before making the conscious decision to drink that cup, I had been back-and forth over whether or not to do so, considering both the potential benefits and drawbacks. Unusually for me, this difficulty in deciding didn't feel particularly stressful or anxiety producing. I'm glad I realize this aspect.
   Towards the end of my ruminations, I suddenly remembered how many emotions had surfaced when I stopped smoking cigarettes all of those years ago, and how difficult that aspect of it in particular had been to deal with (aside from the nicotine addiction). Eventually, I got a bit more used to having such a wide breadth of feelings. Still, it's only a bit.
   I have come to realize over the years that there's a lot to be considered when it comes to changing my habits. Of course, the idea of having more control of my body and desires feels empowering, but it doesn't avoid this particular problem; are the potential outcomes worth the freedoms sacrificed in the process?
   I'd like to imagine that there is a way to not feel the need to look at things in this way, but at this point in time, I cannot fathom it significantly differently. I don't know if it's cynicism, a cultural "ism", or just the way the world is, but it seems to me that something has to be lost for something else to be gained.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Writing about anything

   Thinking about what to write in this blog, I often have trouble coming up with ideas.
   As a matter of practice, I try not to think too hard when trying to figure out what I want to say, as I believe that, for the most part, the creative ideas I have are thought of in a pretty simple way. This is not to say that the execution of these things should be, or is simple, only that the things that I find most satisfying flow from me easily, when I my mind is quiet, and I am not concerned with how they might end up or appear to others.
   The other day, as I tried to think of something to write, I decided quite intentionally to give up, suddenly remembering that writing about anything was what was really important to me. I realized that this is, in essence, what I do anyway, and that a topic may just be my way of giving myself permission to do so.